Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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