you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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