____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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