Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize