So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
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Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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