What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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