Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize