I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
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it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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