you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize