Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Drake has all the answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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