She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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