I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize