He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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You were trust falling into bushes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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