Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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