Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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