me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize