so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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