why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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