if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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