Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
