just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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