so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize