Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize