Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
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That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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