I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize