every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
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Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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