I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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