guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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