dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
