I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize