he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize