I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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