Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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