Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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