my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
