I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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