..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize