The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize