I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
no you cant smoke seaweed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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