you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
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he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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