Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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