we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
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If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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