omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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