if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
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