at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize