I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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