yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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