Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize