weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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