I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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