im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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