Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize