Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
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What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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